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My
revelation came in the middle of a blizzard. It had been
snowing for eighteen straight hours. Streets were closed,
power lines were down, we were trapped in our apartment,
and Sara, at the time my wife of six months, had just
thrown a plate at my head. Fortunately she missed and
the plate shattered against the kitchen wall. As I swept
the shards off the floor, watching the snow silently accumulate
and listening to Sara's muffled cries from the bedroom,
I had my revelation. This is what I realised: marriages
weren't made to last. At least for me, that is.
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This
was a simple thing, perhaps, but it allowed me to view
everything differently. My two previous marriages hadn't
"failed," their time had just come to an end. There needed
to be an expiration date stamped on my marriage licenses.
I decided then and there to change my ways. From then
on I would avoid heated conversations, forget about counselling,
and just take the inevitable collapse in stride. It was
like bringing out the big parka for the coldest days of
winter. You just kept yourself warm, knowing that the
winter would have to end eventually.
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I
could now see that things between Sara and me had fallen
into a familiar pattern. Sure, it started off with home
cooked meals, exciting vacations and a mutual understanding
about the need for personal space. But in no time at all,
it was fast food, video rentals, and tossed china during
arguments over "responsibility." I was tired of sweeping
up the glass.
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I
suppose a more cynical man would have turned his back
on marriage altogether. But why should my wives and I
have been deprived of all the great times early on? What
was the point of missing out on the good things in life
just because they didn't last? My divorce from Sara ended
up being the easiest of my three to date, and I didn't
forget the lessons I had learned.
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Kim,
my next wife, was quite a few years younger than I was.
I could have made myself miserable trying to keep up with
her. But now that I didn't expect the marriage to last,
I was able to enjoy my time with Kim on my terms. She
wasn't quite as understanding as my other wives, but I'd
learned to accept that too. Then there was Terry or was
it Tina? I can never remember which came next. But since
neither marriage lasted that long, it doesn't really matter.
But Olivia, ah, she was the one that got away. For her,
who knows, I might have betrayed my principles. But she
didn't stick around to give me that chance.
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Now
that I'm nearing retirement, I find I'm losing interest
in the chase. I just don't have the patience for all that's
involved with meeting, dating and marrying. Rebecca, my
current wife, might be my last go round. Maybe I'll be
able to stretch this one out, as we've been happy together
in surprising ways, so far. Rebecca's never been able
to have children of her own, so she's really relished
the role of stepmother. She keeps tabs on all the kids,
remembers their birthdays. Rebecca's really something;
I have a hard time just keeping all the names straight,
but she's now convinced some of them to even start coming
around for holidays. And I find that I enjoy the kids
more now too, as long as they're not trying to get college
tuition out of me, that is. So, we'll see how things play
out in the next few years. What I'd really like us to
do is some travelling, see more of the world. Anything
to avoid falling into a routine. Routine is just the death
of you.
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