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So,
I'll start at the beginning. I got diagnosed and had a
lumpectomy, and then had to get a re-incision because
they didn't get clear margins; I was sent to an oncologist.
You must understand, I've lived my life as an alternative
person. I was a performing artist. Before that, I was
a dancer, I was a hippie. I was one of those people who
always chose to be on the fringe. So for me to enter into
this world was absolutely out of the question. I somehow
want a way to begin a conversation with doctors, because
I do not understand this relationship and I do not understand
the expectations. There's an enormous gap between the
doctor and the patient, and there's a world of misunderstanding
going on in the middle.
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So
in the beginning it wasn't my world, and I didn't enter.
I went into the alternative world, because that was my
world. I mean, dancers don't use doctors. You go to a
doctor and they tell you, "Just stop dancing." Excuse
me. That's my life. That's my livelihood. So, I went to
a naturopath, and I changed my diet, took supplements,
pine tar poultices. I did bee-sting therapy. After a year
I went to an anthroposophic doctor; their practice based
on the teachings of Rudolf Steiner. They have farms, schools,
communities, the whole thing.
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Then
I recurred, and nothing was touching the tumor. After
much resistance, I went to a mainstream place, to see
the doctor from hell. Oh, yeah, he's in my piece. He was
unbelievable. So for me to try again, I had to leap across
a huge gap in understanding. See, here's the thing, as
I see it, medical centers are supported by drug companies
that are making a lot of money on cancer. Yes, I'm one
of those radicals. I always ask, "So who's making
money? "It's not okay. Jesus, there's so much to talk
about. Anyway, so I come here. I don't think people understand
how daunting it is. Here you are and you have to drive
into a Cancer Institute, that's depressing. You
don't want to be that person, and then you walk in. I
came with my friend. It's so difficult to hold your own
in these environments, to hold onto your own individuality,
your own belief system, your own sense of yourself. It's
a struggle, and yet that's the thing that's kept me alive.
The dance of survival is about maintaining my connection
to myself.
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And
the drugs they give you damage you, and the doctors never
acknowledge that. And that is a shortsightedness that
appalls me. They're not present. I spend so much time
with doctors now. Their schedules — who can live
like that? From patient to patient to patient to patient,
and they're always talking about cancer. They're talking
to somebody who just got diagnosed and is freaking out.
They're talking to somebody's who's number ten on the
list, and dying. They're talking to somebody who looks
as if she might get through. They're talking to—how
can any one human hold that in his being and do it day
after day after day? I wonder, what do they do to these
people?
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